I was raised Catholic and today still practice. I'm not perfect and I'm a sinner- I am only human. By now I know the drill- confess, 5 Hail Mary's, 2 Our Fathers, ask for forgiveness and God will forgive. Today's post my friend is about the not so bubble gum side of life- the Dimples, if you will.
Childhood means is having the opportunity to believe your parents are superheros and supernatural beings who are perfect in every which way and have no faults. They can do anything and everything and they are always right and never selfish and never sinful.
How old were you when you realized your parents were human? I was young, a little too young. I've known my parents have been human since I was 7- (kinda got the short end of the sibling stick if you ask me). Being the eldest and a girl I had to break up my parents fights, help take care of my little brother after school, be a part of grown folks issues, etc.
Here's the short story about me (since I feel like I know you a little but better now I can share) my parents had a horrendous divorce when I was in my last year of undergrad in 2005 and it totally flipped my whole family's life completely upside down, which I suppose is a very common occurrence in divorces.
My brother retreated, my mother sobbed for months uncontrollably and I just went on with life kinda bitter about it all but also kinda relieved that the constant fighting had finally come to a halt. We didn't talk to my dad for YEARS and today he's still with the women he cheated on my mom with. Til this day my mother says I was the strongest one out of all of us.
Anyway, fast forward to present day: My father comes around a lot since my husband and I had our son, Nik last April. My mom came out of retirement to help us take care of Nik for the first 15 months of his life and my brother lives downstairs as he's still in school. Every now and again I have to play referee to my mom and dad because they'll remember something the other person did and start snapping at each other or I have to keep tabs on my dad since his regret as gotten so high recently he tends to withdrawal. Why is it that as we get older we become parents to our parents? My brother and I don't talk right now because...well because of a lot of sibling issues (where was our referee when we needed one). This post is too long to write about what happened to us and its also very emotional to discuss... We don't talk right now but I love him and I know he loves me. period. It's all very complicated and messy but they are all mine- dysfunction and all.
Today is Ash Wednesday- for us Catholics it's a day that reminds us to be faithful in action even when no one is looking. It states that when we live in harmony with God’s people and Creation, especially when no one is looking, our households will be transformed and it begins with us.
As we begin Lent, I am reminded that I am the only person that can change who I am and I can't control anyone else. I have to remain faithful to my family, regardless of all our issues and maintain an open heart for when we are all ready to whatever it is that we all need to do in order to bring back balance and peace into our lives that I will be ready to do so.
I now have my own little family that I need to cultivate a bond with and raise and they need my full attention. Things will happen the way they are suppose to. When we are all in a room together, the love is still there and its undeniable. I can feel it like African drums in the distance.
Noone is better than anyone else, noone is perfect and noone is a saint. Afterall, we are all just ashes once everything in this life is said and done. My family is so important to me. They are my roots, my history and huge part of who I am. That will never be replaced.
I always have keep in mind my connection with my Creation and reflect on our beginning and end: “Remember, man, you are dust and to dust you will return.”
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